My friend in Oregon has two kids – a 6 yo girl and a 3.5 yo boy.  She’s been through it.  I asked her how she dealt with the frustration of the “terrible twos” since I’ve find myself to not quite be myself at the end of the day.  Here are her very helpful thoughts:

For the kid(s):

1. Distract, distract, distract.  Instead of harping why s/he can’t do something, she says her MIL always says, “I’ve got something to show you in the car.”  And it might be a speck of dust but the kids never catch on!  Amazing.
2. Praise the behavior you want.  I’m not so good at this yet, but remember to catch your child doing something well and praise that behavior.  Monk has been having some sleeping difficulties and I’m finding that the thing that works best is praising like mad when she stays in bed for nap or quiet time.
3. Offer alternatives.  Instead of asking where Monk wants to go, its better for both of us if I simply give her two options.  ”Do you want to walk to your room, or do you want mommy to carry you?”
4. Use “when … then” statements.  Most toddlers live in the moment – a trait I really admire – but its hard for them to understand that our appointment starts in 15 minutes and we should have left half an hour ago.  To speed up the process, my friend recommended, “When you get in the car, then you can have a sticker [your teddy bear, your book, etc.]“

Quite honestly, there was one more I think but I’ve found these 4 to be the most helpful so far.  My sweet little two year old is returning.

For the parent(s):

• Try controlling your wake up time so you get he peace you need.  My friend sets her clock a half hour before her kids usually wake up so she can have a cup of tea and enjoy some time to herself.
• Meditation really works.  Grab 10 minutes to yourself at some point in the day and clear your mind. 10 minutes is all it takes!
• Keep trying, remember its a phase, and don’t be afraid to laugh about it!

Monk loves to put her shoes on her self.  Who am I kidding?  These days, everything is “No Mommy.  I want to do it myself!”  In order to help her determine left from right, because inevitably the shoe would end up the wrong foot, we invested in these little doo-hickeys (at some places they are called jibbitz, or any other name) and since then there has been no confusion.  The stars go on the right foot!

I suppose every parent bribes their child at some point. Monk has been having some difficulties adjusting to life without her Grammy, Poppa and Max, and consequently – in desperation – I offered her a cupcake if she was a good girl.

Now, everything has become about her being a good girl (or a good monkey). As a woman, sometimes the phrase “good girl” and all of its loaded implications makes me shudder. And I have unwittingly have installed the idea into my 2 year old’s vocabulary. She is already a good girl! Kids need treats, sure, and treats are a good reward for hard work as she gets older. But at 2, I don’t like using a food as reward in general. Food is food and not something to be withheld.